Why me?

I wrote something a long long time back... But today I experienced the same feelings that I felt when I wrote those lines. The past has revisited my life yet again!

Why does my heart flutter, when it hears someone break the silence of loneliness... of self-pity? Why does my heart feel that this someone will bring joy into my life... bring back all the fun and laughter that deserted me long back? Why does my heart jump with excitement whenever it sees a postman near the gate? It's longing for a letter. I know... a letter that would express that someone is thinking about me, someone feels for me and someone is missing me badly... who is this someone? Where is the letter? It was probably unwritten or written but undelivered... See, the heart stills hopes that such a letter was written but undelivered, when such a letter can never be written for me… I know, my mind knows, but who will tell that to my heart? No one has the guts to do that, not even me!!!

Why does my heart not understand that it’s hoping for the impossible to happen? After being ditched so many times, still it doesn’t want to believe that it has been ditched. My heart was broken many times into pieces and what about peace? Peace is not to be seen anywhere… how will my wounded heart heal… I know that it’ll leave behind a scar that will keep reminding me of my past… The past that’s over… but that’s still with us. If there were no past, there would be no present. But past is not like a present, a gift to me, it’s like a curse… a curse that clings to me… that saps the energy out of me till the end of my life… what is this life that I am leading? Where is my destiny? In this world full of hypocrites, I stand alone and have to face the life alone… it is a challenge, a challenge that I have to win… but how does one define the term victory? Is it winning over someone or let someone win over me so that their satisfaction and happiness becomes mine? I think that the second definition suits me better.

This world is full of selfish people… who are self-centered and think that being happy is getting what they want, they desire. I laugh at their ignorance. Happiness lies not in taking, not in grabbing what one wants, but it lies in giving, in sharing everything with others. Who will explain or can explain this simple thing to them? If I do that, they’ll surely ridicule me. They’ll call me crazy. Why am I so different from others? What others like… I don’t and what I like seems weird and strange to everyone. Is it just I in this world who’s like this? Or is each person different from others? Is there anyone who can answers my questions?